Is that the sound of rattling bolts on a new F-150 or the clinking of vodka glasses in a celebratory toast? Rumor has it, Dearborn might be getting a new sister city: Moscow. With Ford’s stock taking a beating and debt levels reaching for the stratosphere, analysts are wondering where the company will find its next big bailout. After all, when your electric vehicle ambitions are already entangled with Chinese battery technology, what’s a little more foreign investment between adversaries?
While European allies seem to be keeping their checkbooks closed, don’t be surprised if the next Ford press conference is catered with borscht and the company unveils a new “From Russia With Love” financing plan. Forget diluting shares; the real power move is diluting your national allegiance. The new Ford insignia might just be a hammer and sickle superimposed over the blue oval. Will the stock go up? Who knows. But one thing’s for sure: the cup holders in the next-generation Mustang better be big enough to hold a bottle of Stolichnaya. After all, with over $160 billion in debt, you’ve got to be damn creative to keep the assembly line running. As for their EV battery “lies,” it turns out the secret ingredient might not have been lithium, but a healthy dose of geopolitical pragmatism. So, get ready for the all-new Ford Pravda, coming soon to a dealership near you. Just don’t ask about the trunk space; it’s probably full of rubles.